Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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