You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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