how can u be prego again
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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