what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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