I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
