every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
