dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I came so hard my ears popped.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
