I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
