Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
