if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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