There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
