I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
