Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
