Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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