So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
