what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
