i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
