I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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