apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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