How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am mentally ready for anal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
