Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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