ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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