I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
