You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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