: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
