Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
