I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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