No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
