So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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