Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
