Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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