he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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