if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
