Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
