i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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