ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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