were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
