dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
