I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
