Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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