I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
