he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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