I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
