I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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