He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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