ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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