haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
