my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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