Moan for me like Helen Keller
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
