How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
