apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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