My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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