the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
