i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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