Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
