If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
