i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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