who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
