i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
