dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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