he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
