I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
