Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
