I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want to fling myself into the sun
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
