I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
