my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
