Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
