You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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