covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
