girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
