we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
