I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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