He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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